When Kids Can’t Find the Words: How Scaffolding Helps Expressive Language Grow

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If this sounds like your house, you’re not alone
A quick note about DLD (no panic—just clarity)
The simple tool that helps kids grow expressive language
Why scaffolding works (without turning your home into a classroom)
The habit I’m stealing from the research: “Strive for Five”
My scaffold ladder (what to do when your child gets stuck)
1) Minimal support: give two choices
2) Moderate support: use a sentence stem
3) Intense support: model a strong answer once
When your child answers correctly, don’t stop there
A quick script you can try today (no prep needed)
This can happen anywhere (not just during reading)
If your child gives short answers, uses words like “thing,” or melts down when you ask them to explain… it can feel confusing. You know they have thoughts. You can see it on their face. But turning those thoughts into clear words is hard right now.
That skill has a name: expressive language—and the good news is, it’s something you can grow with simple, everyday conversations.
Sometimes, kids just need more time and practice to build language. Other times, the struggles are more persistent and may overlap with Developmental Language Disorder (DLD).
The National Institute on Deafness and Other Communication Disorders (NIDCD) explains DLD as a communication disorder that interferes with learning, understanding, and using language—and it can affect speaking, listening, reading, and writing.
ASHA notes that “DLD” is used when a spoken language disorder is the primary disability, without a known medical cause, and persists into school age and beyond.
I’m not diagnosing your child. I just want you to have helpful language and a direction to research if your gut says, “This isn’t letting up.”
One of the most effective ways to strengthen expressive language is this:
Ask a question… and then support your child as they work toward an answer.
That support is called scaffolding.
This post was inspired by a research article from The Reading Teacher: “Asking Questions Is Just the First Step: Using Upward and Downward Scaffolds” by Tricia A. Zucker, Sonia Q. Cabell, Yoonkyung Oh, and Xiaoning Wang (first published August 14, 2020).
Here’s their plain-language definition of scaffolding (and I love how practical it is):
“Cognitive scaffolding strategies are explanations, hints, models, or questions…”
In real life, that looks like you giving just enough support so your child can succeed—without you doing all the thinking for them.
Scaffolding keeps you in the “just right” zone:
not so easy that your child only repeats you
not so hard that they shut down
The authors talk about being responsive to what your child does in the moment—matching the support to their response:
“Contingency…means the adult matches the immediate scaffold to the level of understanding in the child’s response…”
Friend translation: you adjust your help based on what your child shows you right then.
This was my biggest takeaway.
Instead of asking one question and moving on, aim for a short back-and-forth conversation. The authors describe a goal of at least five “turns” with one child:
“…a minimum of five utterances—easily remembered as ‘strive for five.’”
That turns your question into a conversation—not a pop quiz. And for kids who struggle with expressive language, that conversational “practice space” matters.
When your child answers incorrectly, vaguely, or says “I don’t know,” you don’t have to panic or jump straight to the answer.
Think: step down the support just enough for success—then build back up.
Instead of “How did he feel?” try:
“Do you think he felt proud or disappointed?”
Reduce the language load:
“He felt ___ because ___.”
“I think ___ because ___.”
(You can write the stem down. That’s support, not cheating.)
Sometimes kids need a clear example to borrow, and then they can try again. The article gives an example of modeling and having the child repeat.
You might say: “He felt disappointed because it didn’t work.”
Then: “Say it with me.”
Then: ask one follow-up so your child stays engaged (instead of learning to wait you out).
This is where you get the biggest payoff.
If your child gives a solid answer, follow up with:
“How do you know?”
“Why do you think that?”
“Tell me more.”
You’re helping them stretch from a short answer into a stronger explanation—and that confidence carries into writing later.
Try this after a show, during dinner, or in the car:
You: “What was the problem?”
Child: “It was bad.”
You (step down): “Was it bad because it was scary or because it was unfair?”
Child: “Unfair.”
You (step up): “Tell me why it was unfair.”
Child: “Because he didn’t get a turn.”
You: “That’s a strong answer. Say it in a full sentence: ‘It was unfair because…’”
That’s expressive language practice in real life.
Books are a great place to practice—but you can do this:
after a show
while cooking
during a game
on a walk
after a sibling disagreement (those moments are oddly perfect for language practice)
If your child needs supports—sentence stems, pictures, a tiny word list—use them. These aren’t crutches. They’re stepping stones toward independence.
You don’t need fancy tracking. Watch for these simple wins:
Longer back-and-forth conversations (you’re getting closer to “strive for five”)
More specific words (fewer “thing/stuff”)
Less support over time (they need fewer prompts to explain)
Small gains add up.
If you want to keep the joy in learning, join my email list. I share practical ways to support kids who struggle—without turning your home into a battle or your day into a checklist.

Every child can grow
into a confident reader—
with
the right support and a
little bit of hope.
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